


Everything Stops for Tea

by Draycevixen



Category: V for Vendetta (2005)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-14
Updated: 2011-04-14
Packaged: 2017-10-18 01:52:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draycevixen/pseuds/Draycevixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>V knows very little about women.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything Stops for Tea

.

“Would you like a cup of tea, Evey?”

“Tea? Tea! Bloody brilliant, you are! I suppose that now we’re supposed to play nice, cancel the whole murderous rampage and just settle down to a nice cup of tea.

I can see the campaign now _**Have tea with your friendly neighbourhood anarchist. Make tea, not war!** _For god’s sake V, we have to act now! Our world is on the verge of catastrophe and here’s you taking the time to make tea you ruddy pillock!_ "_

“So that is a no on the tea then?”

* * *

“Would you like a cup of tea, Evey?”

“… I… remember when I used to have tea with my mother. She’d make little finger sandwiches and cut the crusts off, just for me. Then… some days… if I was very good…we’d make… fairy cakes… together… and I’d lick out… the bowl and… Oh god, V! I miss her so much!”

“Please stop crying Evey, please, just stop crying. Look… I know, I’ll make coffee instead.”

 _* * *_

“Would you like a cup of tea, Evey?”

“Oh yes, give it to me, _now_. I can’t think of anything better than a… long… slooooow… hot… _hot_ tea. I want you to get your _spoon_ all the way _down_ into my… cup and give it a really good _stirring_. I want to put your _cup_ to my full, red, luscious lips and slowly drain your _cup_ dry. Here, let me help you serve…”

“Evey! That is **not** the teapot!”

 

* * *

 

“Would you like a cup of tea, Evey?”

“That would be lovely. Tea is so absolutely bloody wonderful, makes the whole world a better place, yes, a lovely cuppa fixes everything and it’s so nice and cheery to share a cup with friends and chat about the day and world events and talk about the weather and how everything will soon be better for everyone if we just pull together and then we’ll all sit down and have another nice cup of tea together and there’ll be real butter for everyone’s cucumber sandwiches and it will be so lovely and sweet and God, but tea makes me _so_ happy!”

“So that will be _decaffeinated_ then.”

 

* * *

 

“What is it, V?”

“What is what, Evey?”

“You’ve walked back and forth between the table and the counter enough times to wear a channel in the floor. Put the milk down before it turns in to butter from the motion. What’s wrong?”

“I’ve just made tea.”

“And?”

“Would you…? Nothing.”

“Are you trying to ask if I’d like a cup of tea?”

“Yes, Evey, I was going to ask just that.”

“Then why the hesitation?”

“Let us just say your reaction to that simple question has been a little unpredictable… What is so funny?”

“You’ve never actually lived with a woman before, have you V?”

“You know the answer to that question already.”

“P.M.T.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“Premenstrual tension – well, one of the more common symptoms anyway.”

“Ah. _Ah_. That’s fascinating, Evey.”

“Not the usual male reaction. But then there’s nothing ordinary about you, is there? ”

“Thank you… I think.”

“Was I really _that_ bad?”

“I must admit that it was not _all_ bad. Your offer to help… serve, for instance.”

“But you ran off like a scalded cat!”

“I was just a little startled that is all, to suddenly find a strange hand on my… _spout_.”

“I promise not to make any sudden moves, V. Now bring your roulade over here and I’ll show you how to make double cream.”

 

.


End file.
